Humorous Saying: Funny Quotes to Chuckle With

Humor is important part of our life, if we did everything serious and efficient it would not be fun. People can be motivated and inspired by funny quotes. If nothing else, it will make you smile or chuckle a bit. It sure worth it.

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.  -George Bernard Shaw

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. -Bob Hope

All men are equal before fish. -Herbert Hoover

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. -Casey Stengel

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.  -Bill Cosby

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.  -Woody Allen

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. –Rodney Dangerfield

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.  -Steven Wright

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. – Joan Rivers

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.  –Fred Allen

I like marriage. The idea.  -Toni Morrison

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. -Rodney Dangerfield

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. -Walt Disney

Read More Funny Quotes:

Phillips’ Book of Great Thoughts & Funny Sayings: A Stupendous Collection of Quotes, Quips, Epigrams, Witticisms, and Humorous Comments. For Personal Enjoyment and Ready Reference.

Great Funny Quotes: Sweeten Your Life with Laughter

Quote Junkie Funny Edition: Hundreds Of Hilarious Quotes By Some Of The Most Serious Men And Women In The History Of The World

I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money. -Bob Hope
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
-Frank Sinatra

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.  -Rodney Dangerfield

I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun. –Arnold Schwarzenegger

I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time. -Charles M. Schulz

I have never been hurt by what I have not said. -Calvin Coolidge

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. -Elayne Boosler

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.  –Hedy Lamarr

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. –Groucho Marx

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. -Buddy Hackett

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. -Kevin Nealon

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday. –George Burns

I think serial monogamy says it all. –Tracey Ullman

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. –Ellen DeGeneres

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. -Mae West

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. –David Lee Roth

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. -Les Dawson

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. -Norman Wisdom

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. –Emo Philips

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone. –Rod Schmidt

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I’m upside down. –Mitch Hedberg

I wish I had the nerve not to tip. –Paul Lynde

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. –Bertrand Russell

I’d luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair. –Bette Davis

I’d never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room. –Mercedes McCambridge

People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant. -Ellen DeGeneres

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. –Don Marquis

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. –Ronald Reagan

I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend. –Emo Philips
A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. –Yogi Berra

I rant, therefore I am. -Dennis Miller

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I’m watching the highlights. –Jay London

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. –Groucho Marx

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church. -Paul Lynde

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” –Claude Pepper
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