Blackadder Television Series Quotes: Part 2

Blackadder is British cult classic Television Series starring Rowan Atkinson. Although each series is set in a different era, all follow the fortunes (or rather, misfortunes) of Edmund Blackadder (played by Atkinson), who in each is a member of a British family dynasty present at many significant periods and places in British history. It is implied in each series that the Blackadder character is a descendant of the previous one, although it is never mentioned how any of the Blackadders manage to father children.

This funny series has many fans around the world, myself included. Here are some funny quotes from the Black adder. This is second part of the series, for first part of quotes: Click Funny Blackadder Quotes: Part 1.

Funny Quotes from Blackadder: Part 2

Percy: I’d like to meet the Spaniard who can make his way past me!
Blackadder: Well, go to Spain. There are millions of them.

Blackadder: Tell me, young crone, is this Putney?
Young Crone: [cackling] That it be! That it be!
Blackadder: “Yes, it is,” not “That it be”. And you don’t have to talk in that stupid voice to me, I’m not a tourist! I seek information about a Wise Woman.
Young Crone: The Wise Woman? The Wise Woman?!
Blackadder: Yes. The Wise Woman.
Young Crone: Two things, my Lord, must ye know of the Wise Woman. First… she is a woman! And second… she is…
Blackadder: Wise?
Young Crone: [normal] You do know her, then?
Blackadder: No, just a wild stab in the dark – which, incidentally, is what you’ll be getting if you don’t start being a bit more helpful! Do you know where she lives?
Young Crone: ‘Course.
Blackadder: Where?
Young Crone: ‘Ere. Do you have an appointment?
Blackadder: No.
Young Crone: Oh… you can go in anyway.
Blackadder: Thank you, young crone. Here is a purse of monies… [she tries to grab it] which I’m NOT going to give to you. [walks in]

blackadderWise Woman: Hail Edmund, Lord of Adders Black!
Blackadder: Hello.
Wise Woman: Step no further, for already I see thy bloody purpose. Thou plotest, Blackadder! Thou would be king, and drown Middlesex in a butt of wine! [cackles madly]
Blackadder: No, it’s much worse than that. I’m in love with my manservant!
Wise Woman: [nonchalant] Well, I’d sleep with him if I were you.
Blackadder: What!?
Wise Woman: When I fancy people, I sleep with them. I have to drug them first, being so old and warty.
Blackadder: But what of my position, my livelihood!?
Wise Woman: Very well, then there are three solutions, three cures for thy ailment. The first is simple: Kill Bob!
Blackadder: Never!
Wise Woman: Then try the second: kill yourself!
Blackadder: And the third?
Wise Woman: The third is to ensure that no one else ever knows.
Blackadder: Ah, that sounds more like it! How?
Wise Woman: KILL EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE WORLD! [cackles madly]
Blackadder: [disturbed and confounded] Uh-huh.

Lord Flashheart: Thanks, bridesmaid, like the beard. Gives me something to hang onto!

Blackadder: To you, Baldrick, the Renaissance was just something that happened to other people, wasn’t it?

Percy: May I come too, my lord?
Blackadder: No, best not. People might think we’re friends. Better stay here; bird-neck [Percy’s new look] and bird-brain [Baldrick] should get along like a house on fire!

If you have not seen the series, you can check out details here;

Black Adder: The Complete Collector’s Set
Black Adder Remastered V: The Specials
The Black Adder
Black Adder II

[Queenie wishes to see Lord Farrow, who has supposedly been executed]
Blackadder: Percy, this is a very difficult situation.
Percy: Yes, my lord.
Blackadder: Someone’s for the chop. You or me, in fact.
Percy: Ah, yes…
Blackadder: Let’s face facts, Perc: it’s you!
Percy: [nervously] Except, ex-cept… I may have a plan!
Blackadder: [dryly] Oh, yes…
Percy: Yes, eh… How about if we get Lord Farrow’s head and body and we take it to the Queen. Except, ex-cept… just before we get in, we start shouting and screaming, and then we come in saying “We were just on our way when he said something traitorous, and so we cut his head off in the corridor just to teach him a lesson!”
Blackadder: Pathetic! Absolutely pathetic! Contemptible! Worth a try!

Blackadder: To you, it’s a potato. To me, it’s a potato. But to Sir Walter bloody Raleigh, it’s fine estates, luxury carriages and as many girls as his tongue can handle! He’s making a fortune out of the things: people are smoking them, building houses out of them… they’ll be eating them next!

[After Queenie’s poor pirate imitation]
Melchett: [obviously humouring her] I beg your pardon, Your Majesty, but I was hoping to greet the gallant young sailor who hallooed me as I came in. Perchance he has hauled anchor and sailed away?
Queenie: [giggling] No! It was me!
Melchett: Majesty! Surely not!
Blackadder: [to Melchett] You utter creep.

Captain Rum: Truth is, I don’t know the way to the Cape of Good Hope anyway.
Blackadder: Good Lord! What were you going to do?!
Captain Rum: What I usually do: sail round and round the Isle of Wight until everyone’s dizzy and then head for home!
Blackadder: [smiles] You old rascal. Still, who cares? The day after tomorrow, we shall be in Calais. Captain, set sail for France!
[Everyone cheers. Cut to “The Day After The Day After Tomorrow”, when everyone looks less excited.]
Blackadder: … So, you don’t know the way to France either?
Captain Rum: No. I must confess that too.
Blackadder: [turns to Percy and Baldrick] Bugger.

Be sure to check out The Black Adder series, if you have not already done so yet.

If you are fan of the series, check out other DVDs starred by Funnyman Rowan Atkinson.

Source: Blackadder DVD, wikiquote

Image source: Wikipedia

Blackadder Quotes Part 1: British TV Series

Black adder is british Cult Classic Television Series. Blackadder is the name that encompassed four series of a BBC1 historical sitcom, along with several one-off installments. All television program episodes starred Rowan Atkinson as anti-hero Edmund Blackadder and Tony Robinson as Blackadder’s dogsbody, Baldrick. Each series was set in a different historical period with the two protagonists accompanied by different characters. This is part 1 of the series, check out Blackadder Quotes Part 2.

Black Adder TV Series Quotes

Opening narration: History has known many great liars. Copernicus. Goebbels. St. Ralph the Liar. [he is shown holding a sign which reads “St. Benedict the Liar”] But there have been none quite so vile as the Tudor King Henry VII. It was he who rewrote history to portray his predecessor, Richard III, as a deformed maniac who killed his nephews in the Tower. But the real truth is that Richard was a kind and thoughtful man who cherished his young wards, in particular Richard, Duke of York, who grew into a big, strong boy. Henry also claimed he won the Battle of Bosworth Field and killed Richard III. Again, the truth is very different; for it was Richard, Duke of York, who became king after Bosworth Field, and reigned for thirteen glorious years. As for who really killed Richard III and how the defeated Henry Tudor escaped with his life, all is revealed in this, the first chapter of a history never before told: the history of… the Black Adder!

Edmund: I like the cut of your jib, young fella me lad. What’s your name?
Baldrick: My name is Baldrick, my lord.
Edmund: Then I shall call you Baldrick, Baldrick.
Baldrick: And I shall call you “my lord,” my lord.

Percy: It will be a great day tomorrow for we nobles.
Prince Edmund: Well, not if we lose, Percy. If we lose, I’ll be chopped to pieces. My arms will end up at Essex, my torso in Norfolk, and my genitalia stuck up in a tree somewhere in Rutland.

Edmund: Don’t be absurd. Such activities are totally beyond my mother. My father only got anywhere with her because he told her it was a cure for diarrhoea.

black adder

Prince Harry: McAngus, this is the man who’ll be providing tomorrow’s entertainments! [gestures to Edmund]
Dougal McAngus: Ah, the eunuch! Delighted to meet you; there’s a groat for the troubles!
Edmund: [in a high pitched voice] I am not a eunuch!
Dougal McAngus: You sound like one to me!
Edmund: [normal voice] I am not a eunuch, I am the Duke of Edinburgh!
Dougal McAngus: [sarcastically] Oh you are, are you!? [turns to Queen Gertrude] Same old story, eh!? Duke of Edinburgh’s about as Scottish as the Queen of England’s tits! [realises] Och, nae offence, your Majesty.

If you have not seen the series, you can check out details here;

Black Adder: The Complete Collector’s Set
Black Adder Remastered V: The Specials
The Black Adder
Black Adder II

Harry: Yes, that’s right. A tragic accident.
Edmund: Almost as tragic as Archbishop Bertram being struck by a falling gargoyle whilst swimming off Beachy Head.
Harry: Yes, or Archbishop Wilfred slipping and falling backwards onto the spire of Norwich Cathedral. Oh, Lord, you do work in mysterious ways.

King Richard IV: [to Edmund] You, as compared to your beloved brother Harry, are as excrement compared to cream!
Harry: Oh, father, you flatter me!
Edmund: And me, also!

Graveney: And if I don’t leave my lands to the church, then what?
William: Then, Lord Graveney, you will assuredly go to Hell.
Graveney: Alas!
William: Hell, where the air is pungent with the aroma of roasted behinds!
Graveney: No, no! (coughs) I place my lands in the hands of the Church (signs) and so bid the world farewell.

Edmund: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Graveney: Am I in Paradise?
Edmund: No, no, not yet.
Graveney: Then this must be Hell. Alas, spare my posterior!
Edmund: No, no, you’re all right — it’s England.
Graveney: And you are not Satan?
Edmund: No, I’m the Archbishop of Canterbury.
Graveney: Your Grace, I have left all my lands to the Church. Am I to be saved?

Edmund: Someone like you go to Hell? Never. Never!!
Graveney: But I have committed many sins.
Edmund: Haven’t we all, haven’t we all…
Graveney: I murdered my father…
Edmund: Well, I know how you feel.
Graveney: …and I have committed adultery…
Edmund: Well, who hasn’t?
Graveney: …more than a thousand times…
Edmund: Well, it is 1487!
Graveney: …with my mother.
Edmund: WHAT?
King: Good Lord…
Graveney: You see, I *will* go to Hell.

King: Chiswick, remind me to send flowers to the king of France in sympathy for the death of his son.
Chiswick: The one you had murdered, my lord?
King: [absentmindedly] Yes, yes, that’s the fellow.

King: Chiswick, take this to the Queen of Naples. [holds up an urn]
Chiswick: What is it, my lord?
King: The King of Naples!

Percy: Look, look, I just can’t take the pressure of all these omens any more!
Edmund: Percy…
Percy: No, no, really, I’m serious! Only this morning in the courtyard I saw a horse with two heads and two bodies!
Edmund: Two horses standing next to each other?
Percy: Yes, I suppose it could have been.

Edmund: He murdered his whole family!
Pete: Who didn’t? I certainly killed mine.
Wilfred: And I killed mine.
Friar: And I killed yours.
Sean: Did you?
Friar: Yes.
Sean: Good on you, Father.

If you are fan of the series, check out other DVDs starred by Funnyman Rowan Atkinson.

Source: Blackadder DVD, wikiquote

Image source: Blackadder  TV show

Bit of Fry and Laurie Quotes from TV Series

A Bit Of Fry And Laurie was a sketch comedy starring Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie, broadcast on BBC2 between January 13, 1989 and April 2, 1995. Before Hugh Laurie became a big name in USA with his hit TV series House MD, he was already famous in Bertie and Wooster, Black Adder and Bit of Fry and Laurie TV series!

If you have not seen these funny comedy routine between brilliant Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie, do check it out, you will get to see younger and funny side of Hugh Laurie and Fry.

Funny quotes from the “Bit of Fry and Laurie”:

Stephen Fry: Well next week I shall be examining the claims of a man who says that in a previous existence he was Education Secretary Kenneth Baker and I shall be talking to a woman who claims she can make flowers grow just by planting seeds in soil and watering them. Until then, wait very quietly in your seats please. Goodnight.

Hugh Laurie: : So let’s talk instead about flexibility of language – um, linguistic elasticity, if you’d like.

Hugh Laurie: Can I just interrupt you here?

Stephen Fry: Certainly, Peter.

Hugh Laurie: Thanks.

Stephen Fry: Pleasure.

Stephen Fry: [voiceover] Good old Berent’s cocoa. Always there. Original or New Berent’s, specially prepared for the mature citizens in your life, with nature’s added store of powerful barbiturates and heroin

.Stephen Fry: Estate Agents you can’t live with them, you can’t live with them. If you try and kill them, you’re put in prison: if you try and talk to them, you vomit. There’s only one thing worse than an estate agent but at least that can be safely lanced, drained and surgically dressed. Estate agents. Love them or loathe them, you’d be mad not to loathe them.

Stephen Fry: It’s ludicrously easy to knock Mrs. Thatcher, isn’t it? It’s the simplest, easiest and most obvious thing in the world to remark that she’s a shameful, putrid scab, an embarrassing, ludicrous monstrosity that makes one frankly ashamed to be British and that her ideas and standards are a stain on our national history. That’s easy! Anyone can see that! Nothing difficult about that! But after tonight, no one will ever accuse us again with failing to come up with something to take her place. Hugh?[Hugh Laurie pulls out a coat hanger]

frylaurie

Stephen: Twenty-five years ago the doctors told your mother and me that it would be impossible for us ever to have children.

Hugh: Oh, why not?

Stephen: I can’t remember the exact reason; it was something to do with penises I think.

Hugh Laurie: [with an electronic organizer] Ask me anything, a telephone number, what time it is in Adelaide. Tell you what, I can tell you exactly what I’ll be doing on the third of August 1997, say. Hang on… [presses a few buttons]. Nothing. See, it says. Nothing.

Hugh Laurie: Our Venice is being taken away from us. It’s crawling with Germans.

Leslie: And Italians.

Hugh Laurie: A good wife, or a good business partner?

Stephen Fry: Is there a difference, Peter?

Hugh Laurie: I hope so, John.

Stephen Fry:: Yes, I think that I’ve said earlier that our language, English –

L: As spoken by us.

F: As we speak it, yes, certainly, defines us. We are defined by our language, if you will

L: [to screen] Hello. We’re talking about language.

F: Perhaps I can illustrate my point. Let me at least try. Here is a question: um…

L: What is it?<

F: Oh! Um… my question is this: is our language – English – capable… is English capable of sustaining demagoguery?

L: Demagoguery?

F: Demagoguery.

L: And by “demagoguery” you mean…

F: By “demagoguery” I mean demagoguery…

L: I thought so.

F: I mean highly-charged oratory, persuasive whipping-up rhetoric. Listen to me, listen to me. If Hitler had been British, would we, under similar circumstances, have been moved, charged up, fired up by his inflammatory speeches, or would we simply have laughed? Is English too ironic to sustain Hitlerian styles? Would his language simply have rung false in our ears?

L: [to screen] We’re talking about things ringing false in our ears.

F: May I compartmentalize – I hate to, but may I, may I: is our language a function of our British cynicism, tolerance, resistance to false emotion, humour, and so on, or do those qualities come extrinsically – extrinsically – from the language itself? It’s a chicken and egg problem.

L: [to screen] We’re talking about chickens, we’re talking about eggs.

F: Um… let me start a leveret here: there’s language and there’s speech. Um, there’s chess and there’s a game of chess. Mark the difference for me. Mark it please.

L: [to screen] We’ve moved on to chess.

F: Imagine a piano keyboard, eh, 88 keys, only 88 and yet, and yet, hundreds of new melodies, new tunes, new harmonies are being composed upon hundreds of different keyboards every day in Dorset alone. Our language, tiger, our language: hundreds of thousands of available words, frillions of legitimate new ideas, so that I can say the following sentence and be utterly sure that nobody has ever said it before in the history of human communication: “Hold the newsreader’s nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers.” Perfectly ordinary words, but never before put in that precise order. A unique child delivered of a unique mother.

L: [to screen]

F: And yet, oh, and yet, we, all of us, spend all our days saying to each other the same things time after weary time: “I love you,” “Don’t go in there,” “Get out,” “You have no right to say that,” “Stop it,” “Why should I,” “That hurt,” “Help,” “Marjorie is dead.” Hmm? Surely, it’s a thought to take out for cream tea on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

L: So, to you, language is more than just a means of communication?

F: Oh, of course it is, of course it is, of course it is, of course it is. Language is my mother, my father, my husband, my brother, my sister, my whore, my mistress, my check-out girl… language is a complimentary moist lemon-scented cleansing square or handy freshen-up wipette. Language is the breath of God. Language is the dew on a fresh apple, it’s the soft rain of dust that falls into a shaft of morning light as you pluck from a old bookshelf a half-forgotten book of erotic memoirs. Language is the creak on a stair, it’s a spluttering match held to a frosted pane, it’s a half-remembered childhood birthday party, it’s the warm, wet, trusting touch of a leaking nappy, the hulk of a charred Panzer, the underside of a granite boulder, the first downy growth on the upper lip of a Mediterranean girl. It’s cobwebs long since overrun by an old Wellington boot

.L: [to screen] Night-night.

Hugh: Well we had our first child on the NHS and had to wait nine months, can you believe it.

Stephen Fry: How may we serve?

Hugh Laurie: Well, I was after a pair of shoes.

Stephen Fry: Very well. I shall serve them first.

You can see all Bit of Fry and Laurie on Prime  here.

A Bit of Fry and Laurie: The Complete Collection… Every Bit!

Hugh Laurie: You ever been trapped in a loveless marriage with a woman you despise?

Stephen Fry: Ooh, not since I was nine! Do you like it straight up?

Laurie: What?

Fry: [holding up his drink] Or with ice?

Laurie: Ice.

Fry: Right-ho. [adds ice] Cocktail onion?

Laurie: No thanks.

Hugh Laurie: She takes no interest in my friends, you know. She laughs at my…

Stephen Fry: Peanuts?

Hugh Laurie: Hobbies. She doesn’t even value my…

Stephen Fry: Crinkle-cut cheesy Wotsit?

Hugh Laurie: Career. You know, it’s just so depressing. Alright, so other men have got larger…

Stephen Fry: Plums?

Hugh Laurie: Salaries. And better prospects. And other men can boast a healthier-looking…

Stephen Fry: Stool?

Hugh Laurie: [sitting on stool] Lifestyle.

Hugh Laurie: The trouble with that woman is that she’s just a…

Stephen Fry: Rather disgusting-looking tart that should’ve been disposed of ages ago?

Hugh Laurie: I tell you what it is: she’s a complainer, that’s what she is.

Hugh Laurie: Alright, so, so I haven’t got loads of cash hanging around. You know, but why complain? Other people are worse off. I’ve got a job. I’ve got two sweet, rosy…

Stephen Fry: Nibbles?

Hugh Laurie: Children. She goes on and on about my appearance. I mean, it’s not as if she’s an oil painting, you know. I mean, frankly she’s…

Stephen Fry: [points] Plain and prawn-flavoured.

Hugh Laurie: She’s not as young as she used to be herself

Hugh Laurie: I’ve always been a Daily Mail reader. I prefer it to a newspaper.

Source: IMDB, Wikiquote

Image source: Bit of Fry and Laurie DVD

Jane Austen Quotes From Persuasion

Persuasion is Jane Austen’s last completed novel before her death. By the time Jane wrote this, she was older, mature and wiser, and you can see that reflected in her novel, persuasion as the heroine Anne Elliot is 27, old maid who had rejected her true love when she was barely 19, guided by godmother as Wentworth was orphan and poor. Now almost 8.5 years later situation is reversed, Anne’s father is in poor condition and Wentworth has made money and become super rich. Can they have second chance at love? My favorite book to read and movie to watch.

If there is any thing disagreeable going on, men are always sure to get out of it.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

“I believe you [men] capable of everything great and good in your married lives. I believe you equal to every important exertion, and to every domestic forbearance, so long as – if I may be allowed the expression, so long as you have an object. I mean, while the woman you love lives, and lives for you. All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one, you need not covet it) is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

Elizabeth had succeeded at sixteen to all that was possible of her mother’s rights and consequence; and being very handsome, and very like himself, her influence had always been great, and they had gone on together most happily. His other two children were of very inferior value. Mary had acquired a little artificial importance by becoming Mrs Charles Musgrove; but Anne, with an elegance of mind and sweetness of character, which must have placed her high with any people of real understanding, was nobody with either father or sister; her word had no weight, her convenience was always to give way — she was only Anne.

  • Ch. 1

“What wild imaginations one forms, where dear self is concerned! How sure to be mistaken.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

janeausten

“Yes; it is in two points offensive to me; I have two strong grounds of objection to it. First, as a means of bringing persons of obscure birth into undue distinction, and raising men to honours which their fathers and grandfathers never dreamt of; and secondly, as it cuts up a man’s youth and vigour most horribly; a sailor grows old sooner than any other man. I have observed it all my life. A man is in greater danger in the navy of being insulted by the rise of one whose father his father might have disdained to speak to, and of becoming prematurely an object of disgust himself, than in any other line.”

  • Ch. 3

“‘My idea of good company…is the company of clever, well-informed people, who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company.’ ‘You are mistaken,’ said he gently, ‘that is not good company, that is the best.'”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

She had been forced into prudence in her youth, she learned romance as she grew older: the natural sequence of an unnatural beginning.

  • Ch. 4

Read: Jane Austen’s Books

Jane Austen Movies

Persuasion Movie based on Jane Austen

Persuasion Book

“There is hardly any personal defect… which an agreeable manner might not gradually reconcile one to.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

She thought it was the misfortune of poetry to be seldom safely enjoyed by those who enjoyed it completely; and that the strong feelings which alone could estimate it truly were the very feelings which ought to taste it but sparingly.

  • Ch. 11

“One man’s ways may be as good as another’s, but we all like our own best.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one: you need not covet it), is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone!

  • Ch. 23
  • Said by Anne Elliott

“How quick come the reasons for approving what we like.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight and a half years ago. Dare not say that a man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant.”

  • Ch. 23

“A man does not recover from such a devotion of the heart to such a woman! – He ought not – he does not.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

If I was wrong in yielding to persuasion once, remember that it was to persuasion exerted on the side of safety, not of risk. When I yielded, I thought it was to duty; but no duty could be called in aid here. In marrying a man indifferent to me, all risk would have been incurred, and all duty violated.”

  • Ch. 23
  • Said by Anne Elliott

“She felt that she could so much more depend upon the sincerity of those who sometimes looked or said a careless or hasty thing, than of those whose presence of mind never varied, whose tongue never slipped.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

“Here and there, human nature may be great in times of trial, but generally speaking it is its weakness and not its strength that appears in a sick chamber; it is selfishness and impatience rather than generosity and fortitude, that one hears of.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

Anne was tenderness itself, and she had the full worth of it in Captain Wentworth’s affection. His profession was all that could ever make her friends wish that tenderness less, the dread of a future war all that could dim her sunshine. She gloried in being a sailor’s wife, but she must pay the tax of quick alarm for belonging to that profession which is, if possible, more distinguished in its domestic virtues than in its national importance.

  • Ch. 24

Image source: wikipedia

Funny Groucho Marx Quotes

I love Marx Brothers and their funny movies! Don’t you? No one can beat fast talking and wise cracking Groucho Marx sayings. I am not sure why he is known as Groucho, as he is nothing but. There many funny Marx Brothers books and movies that keep you laughing for hours and classic comedy series that is great for people who want to laugh: see here for Marx Brothers Comedy.

Enjoy some of the famous Groucho Marx Quotes for you here.

GROUCHO MARX

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I don’t have a photograph. I’d give you my footprints, but they’re upstairs in my socks.

A man is as young as the woman he feels.

got $25 from Reader’s Digest last week for something I never said. I get credit all the time for things I never said. You know that line in You Bet Your Life? The guy says he has seventeen kids and I say: “I smoke a cigar, but I take it out of my mouth occasionally”? I never said that.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

As soon as I get through with you, you’ll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn’t time to dig trenches.
We’ll have to buy them ready made.

marx see here for Marx Brothers Comedy.

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don’t anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you’re always trying for a topper you aren’t really listening. It ruins communication.

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

A likely story — and probably true.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter.
Someday I intend reading it.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

Here’s to our wives and girlfriends … may they never meet!

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”

How do you feel about women’s rights? I like either side of them.

“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.”

I sent the club a wire stating, ‘Please accept my resignation’.
I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.

I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.

I know, I know – you’re a woman who’s had a lot of tough breaks.
Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you’ll have to stay in the garage all night.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Funny Marx Brothers; Laugh Today & Feel Good Today:

[Mrs. Teasdale]: He’s had a change of heart.
[Groucho]: A lot of good that’ll do him. He’s still got the same face.

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I’ve been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.

Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.

Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Now there’s a man with an open mind – you can feel the breeze from here!

Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put ‘Emily, I love you’ on the back of the bill.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing .. if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says ‘yes,’ you know he is a crook.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren’t developed. . . But we’re going back next week.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Time wounds all heels.

Why, I’d horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Why should I care about posterity? What’s posterity ever done for me?

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

Image source: Marx Brothers

Alice In Wonderland: Movie Quotes from Alice In Wonderland

Alice and Wonderland is wonderful novel and several movies has been made based on the story including one from the Disney and recent movie with Johnny Depp. All are wonderful, here are some of the quotes from 1951 Alice in Wonderland Movie.

King of Hearts: (reading through a rulebook) Rule 42: All persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately!
Alice: I am not a mile high! And I am not leaving.
Queen of Hearts: (nervously) I’m sorry! It’s Rule 42, you know.
Alice: Now as for you, Your Majesty. (unaware that she is shrinking quickly) Your Majesty, indeed. Why, you’re not a queen. You’re just a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old- (finally realizes she has shrunk down) -tyrant.
Queen of Hearts: And what were you saying, my dear?
Cheshire Cat: (appears suddenly) Well, she simply said you’re a fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant! (disappears laughing)
Alice: Oh, Cheshire Cat! It’s you!
Cheshire Cat: Whom did you expect? The White Rabbit perchance?
Alice: [crying] Oh, no, no, no. I-I-I’m through with white rabbits. I want to go home! [blows nose] But I can’t find my way.
Cheshire Cat: Naturally. That’s because you have no way. All ways here, you see, are the QUEEN’S WAYS!!
Alice: But I’ve never met any Queen.
Cheshire Cat: You haven’t? You haven’t?! Oh, but you must! She’ll be mad about you. Simply mad.
Mad Hatter: I beg your pardon?
Alice: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Mad Hatter: [shocked] WHY IS A WHAT?!
March Hare: [nervously] Careful! SHE’S STARK RAVING MAD!
Alice: But it’s your silly riddle. You just said…
Mad Hatter: [nervously] Easy! Don’t get excited!
March Hare: [trying to make peace with Alice] how about a nice cup of tea?
Alice: [Angrily] “Have a cup of tea” indeed! Well, I’M sorry, but i just HAVEN’T the time!
alice
Alice: [drinks from the “Drink Me” bottle] Mmm… tastes like cherry tart. [unknowingly shrinks down to the size of the table; takes another sip] Custard. [shrinks down again, barely holding onto the bottle; takes another drink] Pineapple. [shrinks down so much, she’s now even smaller than the bottle itself and struggling with its weight] Roast turkey – [finally aware of the potion’s effect] Goodness! [unable to support the bottle any longer, she slips and drops it; the “Drink Me” label covers her] What did I do?!
Doorknob: [chuckles] You almost went out like a candle!
Alice: [runs up to the Doorknob; delighted] But look! I’m just the right size!
[She’s about to open the door, but the Doorknob pulls away.]
Doorknob: No use. [laughs] I forgot to tell you. I’m locked!
Alice: Oh no!
Doorknob: [stops laughing] But of course, you’ve got the key, so-
Alice: What key?
Doorknob: Now, don’t tell me you’ve left it up there?!
[A key magically appears on the table Alice can no longer reach.]
Alice: Oh dear!
Narrator: [first lines] Once upon a time in the hot golden summer day in London, a little girl named Alice sat perched in a tree listening to her big sister read aloud from a history book. In fact, she was ildy weaving a daisy chain for her cat, Dianah who was curled up beside her on the sturdy low branch.
Alice’s Sister: Alice. Will you kindly pay attention to your history lesson?
Alice: I’m sorry, but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it?
Alice’s Sister: My dear child, there are a great many good books in this world without pictures.
Alice: In this world, perhaps, but in my world, the books would be nothing but pictures.
Alice’s Sister: Your world? Huh! What nonsense.
Alice: [getting inspiration] Nonsense?
Alice’s Sister: Once more, from the beginning.
Alice: [to her cat] That’s it, Dinah. If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be it would. You see?
Dinah: Meow.
Alice: In my world, you wouldn’t say “meow.” You’d say, “Yes, Miss Alice.”
Dinah: Meow.
Alice: Oh, but you would. You’d be just like people, Dinah. And all the other animals too.

Alice In Wonderland Books and Movies:

Queen of Hearts: Off with his head!
King of Hearts: Off with his head. Off with his head. By order of the King. Uh, you heard what she said.
Mad Hatter: [to Rabbit] Well, no wonder you’re late! Why this clock is EXACTLY two days slow!
Rabbit: Two days slow?
Mad Hatter: Of course you’re late! [chuckles as he dunks the watch in the tea] MY GOODNESS! we’ll have to look into this. [looks through a salt shaker] AHA! i see what’s wrong with it! [starts to take watch apart] why, this watch is full of wheels!
Rabbit: [shocked] NOT MY GOOD WATCH!! OH, MY WHEELS AND SPRINGS! But-but-but-but-but-but-
Mad Hatter: BUTTER! Of course! it NEEDS some butter.BUTTER!!!
March Hare: [shouts into Rabbit’s ear] BUTTER!!!
Rabbit: [confused] B-b-butter?
Mad Hatter:Butter! oh, thank you! ha ha! yes! that’s FINE! yes, thank you!
Rabbit: Oh, no no! no no! no! you’ll get crumbs in it!
Mad Hatter: Oh, THIS is the VERY BEST butter! [throws butter in rabbit’s face] what are you talking about?
March Hare: Tea?
Mad Hatter: Oh, Tea! I never THOUGHT of tea! OF COURSE!
Rabbit: NO!
Mad Hatter: TEA! HEHEHE!
Rabbit: [shocked] NO! NOT TEA!
March Hare: Sugar?
Mad Hatter: SUGAR! TWO SPOONS! Yes,ha, TWO SPOONS thank you! yes! (jams the spoons straight into the watch)
Rabbit: [shocked] OH,PLEASE! BE CAREFUL!
March Hare: JAM?
Mad Hatter: JAM! I FORGOT ALL ABOUT JAM!
Rabbit: NO! NO! NOT JAM!
Mad Hatter: Yes, sure you want. it’s nice to see.
March Hare: MUSTARD??
Mad Hatter: Mustard! yes, but-MUSTARD?! DON’T LET’S BE SILLY!!! LEMON, that’s different, that’s…yes. THAT should do it! hahaha! [watch starts going crazy] LOOK AT THAT!
March Hare: IT’S GOING MAD!
Alice: OH, MY GOODNESS!
Rabbit: OH, DEAR!
Mad Hatter: I DON’T UNDERSTAND! IT’S THE BEST BUTTER!

Check out Alice In Wonderland Movies and Books

TOP Movie Quotes: Best Movies Quotes of all Time Part 2

Great movie quotes become part of our cultural vocabulary. When you consider that any phrase from American film is eligible, you realize this is our most subjective topic to date. We expect nothing less than a war of words as we reignite interest in classic American movies.” – Jean Picker Firstenberg President Emerita, American Film Institute

Movies are big part of our culture and AFI had shown it top 100 movie quotes of all time while ago, here is a part 2 of the best movie quotes of all time. To check out part 1 of the series, click on Best Movie Quotes of all time: Part 1.

If you like to watch the original program ran by AFI for various movie related top 100 things click here: AFI top 100 Movie Things

You’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?

DIRTY HARRY, 1971

You had me at “hello.”

JERRY MAGUIRE,1996

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know.

ANIMAL CRACKERS, 1930

There’s no crying in baseball!

A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN, 1992

La-dee-da, la-dee-da.

ANNIE HALL, 1977

A boy’s best friend is his mother.

PSYCHO, 1960

Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.

WALL STREET,1987

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

THE GODFATHER II,1974

As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.

GONE WITH THE WIND,1939

Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into!

SONS OF THE DESERT,1933

Say “hello” to my little friend!

SCARFACE, 1983

 

What a dump.

BEYOND THE FOREST, 1949

Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me. Aren’t you?

THE GRADUATE,1967

Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!

DR. STRANGELOVE, 1964

Elementary, my dear Watson.

THE ADVENTURES OF SHERLOCK HOLMES,1939

Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape.

PLANET OF THE APES, 1968

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

CASABLANCA, 1942

Here’s Johnny!

THE SHINING, 1980

They’re here!

POLTERGEIST, 1982

Is it safe?

MARATHON MAN, 1976

Wait a minute, wait a minute. You ain’t heard nothin’ yet!

THE JAZZ SINGER, 1927

No wire hangers, ever!

MOMMIE DEAREST, 1981

Mother of mercy, is this the end of Rico?

LITTLE CAESAR, 1930

Forget it, Jake, it’s Chinatown.

CHINATOWN, 1974

I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.

A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE, 1951

Hasta la vista, baby.

TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY, 1991

Soylent Green is people!

SOYLENT GREEN, 1973

Open the pod bay doors, HAL.

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, 1968

Striker: Surely you can’t be serious.
Rumack: I am serious…and don’t call me Shirley.

AIRPLANE!, 1980

Yo, Adrian!

ROCKY, 1976

Hello, gorgeous.

FUNNY GIRL, 1968

Toga! Toga!

LAMPOON’S ANIMAL HOUSE, 1978

Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.

DRACULA, 1931

Oh, no, it wasn’t the airplanes. It was Beauty killed the Beast.

KING KONG, 1933

My precious.

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: TWO TOWERS, 2002

Attica! Attica!

DOG DAY AFTERNOON, 1975

Sawyer, you’re going out a youngster, but you’ve got to come back a star!

42ND STREET, 1933

Listen to me, mister. You’re my knight in shining armor. Don’t you forget it. You’re going to get back on that horse, and I’m going to be right behind you, holding on tight, and away we’re gonna go, go, go!

ON GOLDEN POND, 1981

Tell ’em to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Gipper.

KNUTE ROCKNE ALL AMERICAN, 1940

A martini. Shaken, not stirred.

GOLDFINGER, 1964

Who’s on first.

THE NAUGHTY NINETIES, 1945

Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac…It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!

CADDYSHACK, 1980

Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!

AUNTIE MAME, 1958

I feel the need – the need for speed!

TOP GUN, 1986

Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary.

DEAD POETS SOCIETY, 1989

Snap out of it!

MOONSTRUCK, 1987

My mother thanks you. My father thanks you. My sister thanks you. And I thank you.

YANKEE DOODLE DANDY, 1942

Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

DIRTY DANCING, 1987

I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!

WIZARD OF OZ, THE, 1939

I’m king of the world!

TITANIC, 1997

Get and watch AFI’s top 100 Movies here

Source: American Film Institute

Jane Austen Quotes: Sayings from Pride and Prejudice

Jane Austen is favorite author for many and her Pride and Prejudice novel has been made in to tv series and movies many times. Who does not remember Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth? As He is ultimate Mr. Darcy who is adored by many female fans around the world.

Quotes From Pride and Prejudice

“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”
— Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice)

“I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of any thing than of a book! — When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.”

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” (ch. 1)

She is tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me; I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles, for you are wasting your time with me.” (Mr Darcy to Mr. Bingley about Elizabeth Bennet; Ch. 3)

If a woman is partial to a man, and does not endeavor to conceal it, he must find it out. (Elizabeth, about Bingley Ch. 6)

“I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine.” (Elizabeth about Darcy; Ch. 5)

Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.” (Charlotte Lucas and Lizzy; Ch. 6)

“Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us.” (Mary; Ch. 5)

Mr. Darcy had at first scarcely allowed her to be pretty; he had looked at her without admiration at the ball; and when they next met, he looked at her only to criticize. But no sooner had he made it clear to himself and his friends that she hardly had a good feature in her face, than he began to find it was rendered uncommonly intelligent by the beautiful expression of her dark eyes. To this discovery succeeded some others equally mortifying. (Ch. 6)

I have been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow.” (Darcy to Miss Bingley; Ch. 6)

A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment. (Darcy to Miss Bingley, Ch. 6)

“I am perfectly convinced by it that Mr. Darcy has no defect. He owns it himself without disguise.”
“No,” said Darcy, “I have made no such pretension. I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. It is, I believe, too little yielding— certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of other so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost is lost forever.”
That is a failing indeed!” cried Elizabeth. “Implacable resentment is a shade in a character. But you have chosen your fault well. I really cannot laugh at it. You are safe from me.”
“There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil— a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome.”
“And your defect is a propensity to hate everybody.”
“And yours,” he replied with a smile, “is willfully to misunderstand them.” (Ch. 11)

You expect me to account for opinions which you choose to call mine, but which I have never acknowledged.” (Ch. 10)

“Nothing is more deceitful,” said Darcy, “than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes an indirect boast.” (Ch. 10)

“I had not thought Mr. Darcy so bad as this— though I have never liked him. I had not thought so very ill of him. I had supposed him to be despising his fellow-creatures in general, but did not suspect him of descending to such malicious revenge, such injustice, such inhumanity as this.” (Ch. 16)

“I remember hearing you once say, Mr. Darcy, that you hardly ever forgave, that your resentment once created was unappeasable. You are very cautious, I suppose, as to its being created.” (Ch. 18)

“Mr. Wickham is blessed with such happy manners as may ensure his making friends— whether he may be equally capable of retaining them, is less certain.” (Ch. 18)

“It is your turn to say something now, Mr. Darcy. I talked about the dance, and you ought to make some kind of remark on the size of the room, or the number of couples.” (Ch. 18)

“I do assure you that I am not one of those young ladies (if such young ladies there are) who are so daring as to risk their happiness on the chance of being asked a second time. I am perfectly serious in my refusal. You could not make me happy, and I am convinced that I am the last woman in the world who could make you so.” (Ch. 19)

“An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do.” (Mr Bennet, Ch. 20)

“Really, Mr. Collins,” cried Elizabeth with some warmth, “you puzzle me exceedingly. If what I have hitherto said can appear to you in the form of encouragement, I know not how to express my refusal in such a way as to convince you of its being one.” (Ch. 19)

“Nobody can tell what I suffer! — But it is always so. Those who do not complain are never pitied.” (Mrs Bennet, Ch. 20)

Women fancy admiration means more than it does.”
“And men take care that they should.” (Ch. 24)

Books Based On Pride and Prejudice

The Darcys of Pemberley: The Continuing Story of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice

Georgiana Darcy’s Diary: Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice Continued (Volume 1)

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Deluxe Heirloom Edition (Quirk Classics)

Mr. Darcy’s Refuge: A Pride & Prejudice Variation

Charlotte Collins: A Continuation of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice

Mr. Darcy’s Diary: A Novel

“We do not suffer by accident. It does not often happen that the interference of friends will persuade a young man of independent fortune to think no more of a girl whom he was violently in love with only a few days before.”

“And is this all?” cried Elizabeth. “I expected at least that the pigs were got into the garden, and here is nothing but Lady Catherine and her daughter…” (Ch. 28)

“There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.”

“I certainly have not the talent which some people possess,” said Darcy, “of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.”
“My fingers,” said Elizabeth, “do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women’s do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault- because I would not take the trouble of practising…”(Ch. 31)

“Did Mr. Darcy give you reasons for this interference?”
“I understood that there were some very strong objections against the lady.” (Ch 31)

In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” (Mr Darcy’s 1st Proposal to Ms. Bennet)

“I have never desired your good opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it most unwillingly. I am sorry to have occasioned pain to anyone. It has been most unconsciously done, however, and I hope will be of short duration. The feelings which, you tell me, have long prevented the acknowledgment of your regard, can have little difficulty in overcoming it after this explanation.” (Elizabeth to Mr. Darcy)

“I have no wish of denying that I did everything in my power to separate my friend from your sister, or that I rejoice in my success. Towards him I have been kinder than towards myself.” (Mr. Darcy talking Regarding Mr. Bingley)

pandp“You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way, than as it spared the concern which I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a more gentle manlike manner.” (Ms. Bennett’s Refusal)

“From the very beginning— from the first moment, I may almost say— of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form the groundwork of disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry.” (Elizabeth’s more opinion on Mr. Darcy)

“You have said quite enough, madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness.” (Mr. Darcy Bows out)

“Be not alarmed, madam, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments or renewal of those offers which were last night so disgusting to you.” (Darcy’s Letter Opening words)

“If Mr. Darcy is neither by honor nor inclination confined to his cousin, why is not he to make another choice? And if I am that choice, why may not I accept him?”
“Because honor, decorum, prudence, nay, interest, forbid it. Yes, Miss Bennet, interest; for do not expect to be noticed by his family or friends, if you willfully act against the inclinations of all. You will be censured, slighted, and despised, by everyone connected with him. Your alliance will be a disgrace; your name will never even be mentioned by any of us.”
“These are heavy misfortunes,” replied Elizabeth. “But the wife of Mr. Darcy must have such extraordinary sources of happiness necessarily attached to her situation, that she could, upon the whole, have no cause to repine.” (Ch. 56, Elizabeth to Lady Catherine)

“You are then resolved to have him?”
“I have said no such thing. I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness, without reference to you, or to any person so wholly unconnected with me.”

(Mr Bennet to Ms. Elizabeth)Mr. Darcy, who never looks at any woman but to see a blemish, and who probably never looked at you in his life! It is admirable!”
Elizabeth tried to join in her father’s pleasantry, but could only force one most reluctant smile. Never had his wit been directed in a manner so little agreeable to her.”

“You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.” (Ch. 58, Mr. Darcy’s 2nd attempt at Proposing Elizabeth)

“My dearest sister, now be serious. I want to talk very seriously. Let me know every thing that I am to know, without delay. Will you tell me how long you have loved him?”
“It has been coming on so gradually, that I hardly know when it began. But I believe I must date it from my first seeing his beautiful grounds at Pemberley.”
Another entreaty that she would be serious, however, produced the desired effect; and she soon satisfied Jane by her solemn assurances of attachment.

Image source: Colin Firth Pride and Prejudice

Motivational Monty Python and Holy Grail Quotes:

I love Monty Python series. Here are some memorable quotes from Monty Python and Holy Grail.

God: Every time I try to talk to someone it’s “sorry this” and “forgive me that” and “I’m not worthy”…

King Arthur: I am your king.
Woman: Well I didn’t vote for you.
King Arthur: You don’t vote for kings.
Woman: Well how’d you become king then?
[Angelic music plays… ]

[the King gestures to the window]
King of Swamp Castle: One day, lad, all this will be yours.
Prince Herbert: What, the curtains?
King of Swamp Castle: No, not the curtains, lad, all that you can see stretched out over the valleys and the hills! That’ll be your kingdom, lad.

King Arthur: One, two, five!
Sir Galahad: Three sir!
King Arthur: THREE!

Minstrel: [singing] Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off and his penis…
Sir Robin: That’s, uh, that’s enough music for now, lads… looks like there’s dirty work afoot.

The Complete Monty Python’s Flying Circus Collector’s Edition Megaset

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Monty Python’s Life Of Brian – The Immaculate Edition

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (+ UltraViolet Digital Copy)

God: What are you doing now?
King Arthur: Averting our eyes, oh Lord.
God: Well, don’t. It’s just like those miserable psalms, always so depressing. Now knock it off!

Tim: Follow. But. Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived. Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
King Arthur: What an eccentric performance.

King Arthur: Can we come up and have a look?
French Soldier: Of course not. You’re English types.
King Arthur: What are you then?
French Soldier: I’m French. Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?
Sir Galahad: What are you doing in England?
French Soldier: Mind your own business.

monty

Sir Lancelot: [Bursts into the Prince’s room and kneels before him after killing the guards] Oh, fair one, behold, I am you humble servant Sir Launcelot. I have come to take
[looks up and realizes that he is kneeling before an effeminate Prince, not a Princess]
Sir Lancelot: Oh, I’m terribly sorry!
Prince Herbert: You got my note!
Sir Lancelot: Uh, well, I got a note.
Prince Herbert: You’ve come to rescue me! I knew someone would! I knew that somewhere out there, there must be someone who
[Music swells]
King of Swamp Castle: Stop that! Stop it! Stop it!
[Music stops]
King of Swamp Castle: Who are you?
Prince Herbert: I’m your son!
King of Swamp Castle: No, not you!
Sir Lancelot: I am Sir Launcelot, sir.
Prince Herbert: He’s come to rescue me, father!
Sir Lancelot: Well, let’s not jump to conclusions.
King of Swamp Castle: Did you kill all those guards?
Sir Lancelot: Um… oh, yes! Sorry.
King of Swamp Castle: They cost fifty pounds each!
Sir Lancelot: Well, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady.
King of Swamp Castle: Well, I can understand that.

King of Swamp Castle: When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that’s what you’re going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England.

Knight 1: We are now no longer the Knights who say Ni.
Knight 2: NI.
Other Knights: Shh…
Knight 1: We are now the Knights who say… “Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z’nourrwringmm.

Woman: Oh. How do you do?
King Arthur: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Whose castle is that?
Woman: King of the who?
King Arthur: King of the Britons.
Woman: Who are the Britons?
King Arthur: Well, we all are. We are all Britons. And I am your king.
Woman: I didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
Dennis: You’re foolin’ yourself! We’re living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class…
Woman: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.
Dennis: Well, that’s what it’s all about! If only people would…
King Arthur: Please, please, good people, I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
Woman: No one lives there.
King Arthur: Then who is your lord?
Woman: We don’t have a lord.
Dennis: I told you, we’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to be a sort of executive officer for the week…
King Arthur: Yes…
Dennis: …but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…
King Arthur: Yes I see…
Dennis: …by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs…
King Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: …but by a two thirds majority in the case of…
King Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is?

Minstrel: [singing] He is packing it in and packing it up And sneaking away and buggering off And chickening out and pissing off home, Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge.

Image source: Month Python