Silly and Funny Sayings, Quotes

We all can use and need humor and laughter in our lives. Here are some of the silliest and funny quotes that make you chuckle or smile. We all have a tough days here and there, and these quotes are for those rainy day when we can use little bit of help to make us smile at silliness of the quotes.

Silly Quotes:

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you. -Unknown

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug? – Unknown

The broccoli says ‘I look like a small tree’, the mushroom says ‘I look like an umbrella’, the walnut says ‘I look like a brain’, and the banana says ‘Can we please change the subject?’ – Unknown

Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected! -Unknown

“Girls are like pianos. When they’re not upright, they’re grand.”- Benny Hill

“A friend is someone who’s there when he needs you”- Unknown

“Committee – a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.” – M. Berle

“I’m gonna live forever, or die trying.” – Joseph Heller (Catch 22)

“Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.” – Hubert Humphrey

“Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do.” -Ronald Reagan

“Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder” – Unknown

“I can see clearly now, the brain has gone” – Unknown

Spit happens (on a baby’s bib)

“I am nobody
Nobody is perfect
Therefore, I must be perfect!”
– Unknown

“Some people say that one’s personality is reflected off of their car… Well, I have no car.” – Unknown

If barbie is so popular….then y do u have 2 buy her friends? – Unknown

I intend to live forever, so far so good. -Unknown

I got to sit down and talk about where I stand. -Unknown

I am nobody and nobody is perfect, therefore, I am perfect. -Unknown

I can quit chocolate anytime I like, but I am not a quitter. -Unknown

A woman tells her doctor, ‘I’ve got a bad back.’
The doctor says, ‘It’s old age.’
The woman says, ‘I want a second opinion.’
The doctor says: ‘Okay – you’re ugly as well.’ -Unknown

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. -Phyllis Diller

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -Carl Sagan

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. -Gordon R. Dickson

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher…and that is a good thing for any man. -Socrates

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn’t take it out of my garden. -Eric Morecambe

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you.” -Rita Mae Brown

Isn’t it strange? The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously. -Cincinnati Enquirer

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. – W. C. Field

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do. -Dale Carnegie

Men marry women with the hope they will never change.
Women marry men with the hope they will change.
Invaribly they are both disappointed. – Albert Einstein

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
-George Carlen

Sweet Love Quotes

Love could be many things to different people. Sometimes it is hard to describe the feeling you feel, when you are in love first time. We all need it, crave it and deserve love from family and friends.

It will not matter, whether you’re still finding true love, in love or want to know more about love, your search is made sweeter with these love quotations. You can use them in your Valentine’s Day cards, emails, letters or scrapbooks to express your love to the love of your life.

Sweetest Love Quotes For You:

All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.
— Leo Tolstoy

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.
— Lao Tzu

And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.
— Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.
— Erica Jong

At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet…
— Plato

Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though you are immortal.
— Author Unknown

I am so glad that you are here… It helps me realize how beautiful my world is.
— Goethe

Above all things I believe in love. Love is like oxygen. Love is a many-splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!
— From the movie Moulin Rouge

Do you love me because I’m beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?
— Oscar Hammerstein

If I could give you one gift, I would give you the ability to see yourself as I see you, so you could see how truly special you are.
— Author Unknown

I believe in a kind of love that brings sailors home from the sea. Made up of seconds and years and the nospace between hands on skin. I cannot believe how much goes on. I can’t even cut out enough red hearts to keep up.
— Sarah Mimnaugh

If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin Into his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
— Emily Dickinson

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.
— Antoine de Saint-Exupery

A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head and the heating system of the heart.
— Author Unknown

Falling in love with someone isn’t always going to be easy… Anger… tears… laughter.. It’s when you want to be together despite it all. That’s when you truly love another. I’m sure of it.
— Author Unknown

Love grows by giving. The love we give away is the only love we keep. The only way to retain love is to give it away.
— Elbert Hubbard

In love, there is always one who kisses & one who offers the cheek.
— French proverb

Love is missing someone whenever you’re apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you’re close in heart.
— Kay Knudsen

Men always want to be a woman’s first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man’s last romance.
— Oscar Wilde

Love is like fever; it comes and goes without the will having any part in the process.
— Henry Beyle Stendahl

Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.
— Erich Fromm

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
— Robert A Heinlein

Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much perfoms much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.
— Vincent Van Gogh

See there’s this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It’s the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.
— Gretchen Kemp

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.
— Thomas Merton

The word love can be explained in thousands of ways, but the only word that comes to my mind is you.
— Author Unknown

Hunger Game: Catching Fire Movie Quotes

catching fire

Image source: Catching Fire Movie Poster (amazon)

Hunger Game Trilogy has been selling very well and there have been movie which has been made as well. Hunger Game first in series came and did very well. Currently second movie has been released and it is called Hunger Game Catching Fire and seemed to be doing very well on box office.

If you have not read the books check out the trilogy of Hunger Game here:

Here are a few interesting quotes from Hunger Game: Catching fire (2nd in series) :

President Snow: “You fought very hard in the Games, Miss Everdeen. But they were games. Would you like to be in a real war? Imagine thousands of your people, dead. Your loved ones, gone.”
Katniss Everdeen: “What do I need to do?”

Katniss Everdeen: “Haymitch please. Please just help me get through this trip!”
Haymitch Abernathy: “This trip doesn’t end when you get back home.”
Peeta Mellark: “So what do we do?”
Haymitch Abernathy: “From now on, your job is to be a distraction. So people forget what the real problems are.”

“Caesar Flickerman: Peeta, the wedding, never to be?
Peeta Mellark: Actually, we got married in secret.
Caesar Flickerman: A secret wedding. Alright, do tell.
Peeta Mellark: We wanted our love to be eternal. You know, Katniss and I were luckier than most. I wouldn’t have any regrets at all, if it weren’t… if…
Caesar Flickerman: If it weren’t… for what? What?
Peeta Mellark: If it weren’t for the baby.”

“Peeta Mellark: Katniss, I don’t know what kind of deals you made with Haymitch, but he made me promises too.
[Pulls off the locket around her neck]
Peeta Mellark: If you die, and I live, I’d have nothing. Nobody else that I care about.
Katniss Everdeen: Peeta.
Peeta Mellark: It’s different for you. Your family needs you.
[Opens locket to see three pictures – Gale, Prim, and her Mother]
Peeta Mellark: You have to live. For them.
Katniss Everdeen: What about you?
Peeta Mellark: Nobody needs me.
Katniss Everdeen: I do. I need you.

Peeta Mellark: Remember Katniss, today’s all about making allies.
Katniss Everdeen: So far I’m not overwhelmed by our choices.

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Johanna Mason: You guys look amazing.
Katniss Everdeen: Thank you.

Katniss Everdeen: Haymitch, please. Please, just help me get through this trip.
Haymitch Abernathy: This trip doesn’t end when you get back home.
Peeta Mellark: So what do we do?
Haymitch Abernathy: From now on, your job is to be a distraction so people forget what the real problems are.

Johanna Mason: My stylist is such an idiot. District 7, lumber. Trees. Ugh. I’d love to put an axe on her face. So what do you think, now that the whole world wants to sleep with you?
Katniss Everdeen: The whole world doesn’t…
Johanna Mason: I wasn’t talking to you.
[Looks at Peeta]
Katniss Everdeen: Okay.
Johanna Mason: [Approaches Peeta] Unzip, please.
[Katniss rolls her eyes. Johanna undresses]
Johanna Mason: Thanks. Let’s do it again sometime.
Haymitch Abernathy: Thank you. Johanna Mason, District 7.

Peeta Mellark: [Eulogy for the fallen tributes of District 11] They fought with honor and dignity until the end. Both Thresh and Rue were so young. But our lives aren’t just measured in years. The measure in our lives are the people we touch around us. For myself, for Katniss. We know that without Thresh and Rue, we wouldn’t be standing here today.

President Snow: “Her entire species must be eradicated.”
Plutarch Heavensbee: “Her species, sir?”
President Snow: “The other victors. Because of her, they all pose a threat. Because of her, they all think they’re invincible.”

Cinna: No waving and smiling this time. I want you to look straight ahead as if the audience and this whole event are beneath you.
Katniss Everdeen: That should be easy.

Primrose Everdeen: Since the last games, something is different. I can see it.
Katniss Everdeen: What can you see?
Primrose Everdeen: Hope.

Primrose Everdeen: You saved my life. You gave me a chance.
Katniss Everdeen: Yes, to live.
Primrose Everdeen: No, to do something.

Katniss Everdeen: I’m really not in the mood for a lecture. I’ll apologize to Effie later. I thought you were Haymitch.

Peeta Mellark: You don’t have to apologize to anyone, including me. I know it’s not fair on me to hold you to things you said in the games. You saved us, I know that, but I can’t go on acting for the cameras and then just ignoring each other in real life. So if you can stop looking at me like I’m wounded, then I can quit acting like it. Then maybe, we have a shot at being friends.

Katniss Everdeen: I’ve never been very good at friends.
Peeta Mellark: For starters, it does help when you know the person. I hardly know anything about you except that you’re stubborn and good with a bow.
Katniss Everdeen: That about sums me up.
Peeta Mellark: No, there’s more than that you just don’t want to tell me.

Peeta Mellark: See Katniss, the way the whole “friend” thing works is that you have to tell each other the deep stuff.
Katniss Everdeen: The deep stuff?
Peeta Mellark: Yeah.
Katniss Everdeen: Like what?
Peeta Mellark: Like… what’s your favorite color?
Katniss Everdeen: Oh, now you’ve stepped over the line.

Peeta Mellark: They won’t touch Prim!
Johanna Mason: Your fiancé’s right. The whole country loves your sister. If they torture her, or do anything to her, forget the districts. There will be riots in the Capitol. Hey, how does that sound Snow? What if we, what if we set your backyard on fire? You can’t put everybody in here!
[everyone looks at her in disbelief]
Johanna Mason: What? He can’t hurt me. There’s nothing left that I love.

President Snow: She’s not who they think she is. She just wants to save her skin. It’s as simple as that. She has become a beacon of hope for them. She has to be eliminated. What do you think?
Plutarch Heavensbee: I agree she should die but in the right way. At the right time. Katniss Everdeen is a symbol. We don’t have to destroy her, just her image. Show them that she’s one of us now. Let them rally behind that. They’re gonna hate her so much they just might kill her for you.
[laughter]

Top 10 Love Quotes: Most Romantic Sayings

There are many great love quotes about funny love, cute love and heart break. Here are 10 love quotes to make you listen to your heart for once and forget mind.

Fill your heart and home with love with these cute love and romance quotes.

10 Love Quotes For you!

10. “To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.”- Lao Tzu

9. “The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.” – Peter S. Buck

8. “With love and patience, nothing is impossible”- Daisaku Ikeda

7. “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” -Helen Keller

6. “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.” -Alfred Lord Tennyson

5. “Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.”
-Alexander Smith

4. “If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don’t have it, no matter what else there is, it’s not enough.” -Ann Landers

3. “You know you’re in love when you don’t want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” -Dr. Seuss

2. “I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you.” -Roy Croft

My favorite and #1 quote for love is;
“People were created to be loved;
Things were created to be used;
The reason why world seems to be in CHAOS,
is because things are being loved;
and people are being used.”

I am not sure who the original author of above quote is, but it is so profound. No wonder the modern world, we feel something is not right, and now we can pinpoint the reason and fix it in our life.

Feel Love, Listen to your heart. Heart has never steered anyone wrong, listening to mind over your heart may keep you maybe rich or popular but rarely happy. Find a balance that your heart and mind wants it together! Finding harmony in life is always a best route.

Source: Love quotes

Breaking Dawn Quotes From Twilight Series

There is Breaking Dawn movie out right now, which is second in series of twilight series books out of many successful book series. Here are some good quotes from the movie breaking dawn.

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Breaking Dawn Movie Quotes from Twilight

Edward Cullen: No measure of time with you will be long enough. But we’ll start with forever.

Bella Swan: You have to accept this for what it is.
Edward Cullen: Because you’ve given me no choice.

Edward Cullen: I’ll meet you at the altar.
Bella Swan: I’ll be the one in white.

Charlie Swan: You’re ready?
Bella Swan: Yeah. Just don’t let me fall, Dad.
Charlie Swan: Never.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen: What were you thinking?
Jacob Black: [smirks] That it’s just looking for someone to sink it’s teeth into.
Bella Swan: He’s thirsty.
Emmett Cullen: I know the feeling…

Dr. Carlisle Cullen: What were you thinking?
Jacob Black: [smirks] That it’s just looking for someone to sink it’s teeth into.
Bella Swan: He’s thirsty.
Emmett Cullen: I know the feeling…

twilightCharlie Swan: Edward will be a good husband. I know this because I’m a cop, I know things. Like how to hunt somebody to the ends of the earth
[people laugh]
Charlie Swan: and I know how to use a gun.

Charlie Swan: [on the phone with Bella] Well, you sound better.
Bella Swan: I am. I feel much better.
Charlie Swan: This whole thing must have put a kink in the whole honeymoon, huh?
Bella Swan: You could say that.
Charlie Swan: Otherwise, married life treating you okay? Edward still walks on water and all that?
Bella Swan: Yeah, but I mean, it is different now.
Charlie Swan: The important thing is that you’re better and that you’re coming home soon, right?

Jacob Black: You’re gonna make her drink that?
Dr. Carlisle Cullen: [pours blood into a drinking glass] It’s the fastest way to test the theory.
Jacob Black: [moves away from Bella] I think I’m gonna be sick.

Emmett Cullen: Bella, I hope you’ve been getting enough sleep these last 18 years, because you won’t be getting any more for a while.

Seth: How cool is this? A two-man pack. Two against the world.
Jacob Black: You’re getting on my nerves, Seth.
Seth: Right. Shutting up. Can do.

Jacob Black: Don’t do that.
Bella Swan: What?
Jacob Black: Smile like I’m your favorite person on the world.
Bella Swan: You’re one of them. It feels complete when you’re here, Jake.

Bella Swan: Are you okay? Being here?
Jacob Black: Why? Afraid I’ll trash your party?
[hears growling in the woods]
Jacob Black: You’re not the only one. You think I’d be used to telling you goodbye by now. Come on, you’re not supposed to be the one crying, Bella.
Bella Swan: Everyone cries at weddings.

Edward Cullen: It’s not too late to change your mind.
Bella Swan: What? Now you’re having second thoughts?
[studies Edward’s face]
Bella Swan: You are.
Edward Cullen: No. I’ve been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan.
Bella Swan: But? But?
Edward Cullen: I haven’t told you everything about myself.
Bella Swan: [sarcastically] hat? You’re not a virgin?

Bella Swan: Childhood is not from birth to a certain age. And at a certain age, the child is grown and puts away childish things. Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies.

Renée: Thanks! Charlie, get in here!
Charlie Swan: You sure? I don’t wanna.
[to Bella’s surprise]
Charlie Swan: I know, I look hot.
Renée: We thought you needed something blue.
Charlie Swan: And something old besides your mother.
Renée: Nice.

Bella Swan: So this party. Will there be strippers?
Edward Cullen: [laughs] No, just a couple of mountain lions. Maybe a few bears.
Jasper Hale: Don’t worry, Bella, we’ll give him back in plenty of time.
Bella Swan: Okay, go before they break my house.
Emmett Cullen: Let’s go! Let’s go!

Bella Swan: Jake.
Jacob Black: Listen to me, Bella.
Bella Swan: [yells] Let me go!
Edward Cullen: Jacob, calm down. Alright?
Jacob Black: [yelling] Are you out of your mind? Huh? You’ll kill her!
Seth: Walk away, Jacob!
Sam Uley: Enough, Jacob.
Jacob Black: Stay out of this, Sam.
Sam Uley: You’re not going to start something that we’ll have to finish.
Jacob Black: She’ll die.
Sam Uley: She’s not our concern anymore.

Edward Cullen: Do you wanna go for a swim?
Bella Swan: Yeah, that sounds nice. I could use a few human minutes.
Edward Cullen: Don’t take too long, Mrs. Cullen.
Bella Swan: Okay.

Edward Cullen: How badly are you hurt?
Bella Swan: What?
Edward Cullen: No, Bella, look.
[shows bruises on her body]
Edward Cullen: Bella, I can’t tell you how sorry I am.
Bella Swan: I’m not! Really, I’m not. I’m fine.
Edward Cullen: Don’t say you’re fine. Just don’t.
Bella Swan: No, you don’t. Don’t ruin this.
Edward Cullen: I’ve already ruined it.
Bella Swan: Why can’t you see how perfectly happy I am? Or was five seconds ago. I mean now I’m sort of pissed off, actually.
Edward Cullen: You should be angry with me.
Bella Swan: I mean, we knew this was going to be tricky, right? I think we did amazing. I mean, it was amazing for me.

Edward Cullen: Bella? You having a nightmare?
Bella Swan: No. It was just a dream. It was a really good dream.
Edward Cullen: Then why are you crying?
Bella Swan: Because I wanted it to be real.
Edward Cullen: Tell me.
[is kissed by Bella]
Edward Cullen: Bella, I can’t.
Bella Swan: Please. Please?

Edward Cullen: Bella, these are our housekeepers, Gustavo and Kaure.
[in Portuguese]
Edward Cullen: This is my wife, Bella.
Gustavo: Excuse me.
[leaves fearfully with Kaure]

Billy: Hey son.
Jacob Black: What’s going on?
Billy: Bella called him.
Charlie Swan: Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. You okay?
Jacob Black: So you finally heard from Bella?
Charlie Swan: They’re extending their trip. Seems she caught a bug. They wanna wait until she feels better before they travel.
Jacob Black: She’s sick.

Alice Cullen: Bella? Are you alright?
Bella Swan: I’m not 100% sure.
Alice Cullen: Why? What’s wrong? I just.
Bella Swan: You just what? Alice, what did you see?
Alice Cullen: Here’s Carlisle.
Dr. Carlisle Cullen: Bella, what’s going on?
Bella Swan: I don’t know.
[looks at Edward]
Bella Swan: I’m a little worried. Can vampires go into shock?
Dr. Carlisle Cullen: Has Edward been harmed?
Bella Swan: No. I know that it’s impossible, but I think that I’m pregnant.
[reacts in pain]

Edward Cullen: Damn it. Kaure’s making sure you’re still alive.
Kaure: [in Portuguese] What did you do with her?
Edward Cullen: What do you know about this?
Kaure: I know that you are a demon! You killed this little girl!
Bella Swan: What?
Edward Cullen: [to Bella] Her people have legends. She might have seen this before.
[to Kaure in Portuguese]
Edward Cullen: Please. Tell me how to help her.

Bella Swan: Edward, I’m sorry.
Edward Cullen: I can’t live without you.
Bella Swan: You won’t. You’re gonna have a part of me. He’ll need you.
Edward Cullen: Do you honestly think that I could love it or even tolerate it if it killed you?
Bella Swan: It’s not his fault. You have to accept what is.
Edward Cullen: [yells] Because you’ve given me no choice! Bella, we’re supposed to be partners. Remember? But you decided this on your own. You’ve decided to leave me.

Jacob Black: You’d risk your lives for her?
Esme Cullen: Of course we would. Bella’s a part of our family now.
Jacob Black: Yeah, I can see that. This really is a family. As strong as the one I was born into.

Jacob Black: It’s like gravity. Your whole center shifts. Suddenly, it’s not the Earth holding you here. You would do anything, be anything she needs. A friend, a brother, a protector.

Edward Cullen: Maybe I was too late.
Dr. Carlisle Cullen: No, Edward. Listen to her heart.

Image source: Amazon

Blackadder Quotes Part 1: British TV Series

Black adder is british Cult Classic Television Series. Blackadder is the name that encompassed four series of a BBC1 historical sitcom, along with several one-off installments. All television program episodes starred Rowan Atkinson as anti-hero Edmund Blackadder and Tony Robinson as Blackadder’s dogsbody, Baldrick. Each series was set in a different historical period with the two protagonists accompanied by different characters. This is part 1 of the series, check out Blackadder Quotes Part 2.

Black Adder TV Series Quotes

Opening narration: History has known many great liars. Copernicus. Goebbels. St. Ralph the Liar. [he is shown holding a sign which reads “St. Benedict the Liar”] But there have been none quite so vile as the Tudor King Henry VII. It was he who rewrote history to portray his predecessor, Richard III, as a deformed maniac who killed his nephews in the Tower. But the real truth is that Richard was a kind and thoughtful man who cherished his young wards, in particular Richard, Duke of York, who grew into a big, strong boy. Henry also claimed he won the Battle of Bosworth Field and killed Richard III. Again, the truth is very different; for it was Richard, Duke of York, who became king after Bosworth Field, and reigned for thirteen glorious years. As for who really killed Richard III and how the defeated Henry Tudor escaped with his life, all is revealed in this, the first chapter of a history never before told: the history of… the Black Adder!

Edmund: I like the cut of your jib, young fella me lad. What’s your name?
Baldrick: My name is Baldrick, my lord.
Edmund: Then I shall call you Baldrick, Baldrick.
Baldrick: And I shall call you “my lord,” my lord.

Percy: It will be a great day tomorrow for we nobles.
Prince Edmund: Well, not if we lose, Percy. If we lose, I’ll be chopped to pieces. My arms will end up at Essex, my torso in Norfolk, and my genitalia stuck up in a tree somewhere in Rutland.

Edmund: Don’t be absurd. Such activities are totally beyond my mother. My father only got anywhere with her because he told her it was a cure for diarrhoea.

black adder

Prince Harry: McAngus, this is the man who’ll be providing tomorrow’s entertainments! [gestures to Edmund]
Dougal McAngus: Ah, the eunuch! Delighted to meet you; there’s a groat for the troubles!
Edmund: [in a high pitched voice] I am not a eunuch!
Dougal McAngus: You sound like one to me!
Edmund: [normal voice] I am not a eunuch, I am the Duke of Edinburgh!
Dougal McAngus: [sarcastically] Oh you are, are you!? [turns to Queen Gertrude] Same old story, eh!? Duke of Edinburgh’s about as Scottish as the Queen of England’s tits! [realises] Och, nae offence, your Majesty.

If you have not seen the series, you can check out details here;

Black Adder: The Complete Collector’s Set
Black Adder Remastered V: The Specials
The Black Adder
Black Adder II

Harry: Yes, that’s right. A tragic accident.
Edmund: Almost as tragic as Archbishop Bertram being struck by a falling gargoyle whilst swimming off Beachy Head.
Harry: Yes, or Archbishop Wilfred slipping and falling backwards onto the spire of Norwich Cathedral. Oh, Lord, you do work in mysterious ways.

King Richard IV: [to Edmund] You, as compared to your beloved brother Harry, are as excrement compared to cream!
Harry: Oh, father, you flatter me!
Edmund: And me, also!

Graveney: And if I don’t leave my lands to the church, then what?
William: Then, Lord Graveney, you will assuredly go to Hell.
Graveney: Alas!
William: Hell, where the air is pungent with the aroma of roasted behinds!
Graveney: No, no! (coughs) I place my lands in the hands of the Church (signs) and so bid the world farewell.

Edmund: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Graveney: Am I in Paradise?
Edmund: No, no, not yet.
Graveney: Then this must be Hell. Alas, spare my posterior!
Edmund: No, no, you’re all right — it’s England.
Graveney: And you are not Satan?
Edmund: No, I’m the Archbishop of Canterbury.
Graveney: Your Grace, I have left all my lands to the Church. Am I to be saved?

Edmund: Someone like you go to Hell? Never. Never!!
Graveney: But I have committed many sins.
Edmund: Haven’t we all, haven’t we all…
Graveney: I murdered my father…
Edmund: Well, I know how you feel.
Graveney: …and I have committed adultery…
Edmund: Well, who hasn’t?
Graveney: …more than a thousand times…
Edmund: Well, it is 1487!
Graveney: …with my mother.
Edmund: WHAT?
King: Good Lord…
Graveney: You see, I *will* go to Hell.

King: Chiswick, remind me to send flowers to the king of France in sympathy for the death of his son.
Chiswick: The one you had murdered, my lord?
King: [absentmindedly] Yes, yes, that’s the fellow.

King: Chiswick, take this to the Queen of Naples. [holds up an urn]
Chiswick: What is it, my lord?
King: The King of Naples!

Percy: Look, look, I just can’t take the pressure of all these omens any more!
Edmund: Percy…
Percy: No, no, really, I’m serious! Only this morning in the courtyard I saw a horse with two heads and two bodies!
Edmund: Two horses standing next to each other?
Percy: Yes, I suppose it could have been.

Edmund: He murdered his whole family!
Pete: Who didn’t? I certainly killed mine.
Wilfred: And I killed mine.
Friar: And I killed yours.
Sean: Did you?
Friar: Yes.
Sean: Good on you, Father.

If you are fan of the series, check out other DVDs starred by Funnyman Rowan Atkinson.

Source: Blackadder DVD, wikiquote

Image source: Blackadder  TV show

Bit of Fry and Laurie Quotes from TV Series

A Bit Of Fry And Laurie was a sketch comedy starring Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie, broadcast on BBC2 between January 13, 1989 and April 2, 1995. Before Hugh Laurie became a big name in USA with his hit TV series House MD, he was already famous in Bertie and Wooster, Black Adder and Bit of Fry and Laurie TV series!

If you have not seen these funny comedy routine between brilliant Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie, do check it out, you will get to see younger and funny side of Hugh Laurie and Fry.

Funny quotes from the “Bit of Fry and Laurie”:

Stephen Fry: Well next week I shall be examining the claims of a man who says that in a previous existence he was Education Secretary Kenneth Baker and I shall be talking to a woman who claims she can make flowers grow just by planting seeds in soil and watering them. Until then, wait very quietly in your seats please. Goodnight.

Hugh Laurie: : So let’s talk instead about flexibility of language – um, linguistic elasticity, if you’d like.

Hugh Laurie: Can I just interrupt you here?

Stephen Fry: Certainly, Peter.

Hugh Laurie: Thanks.

Stephen Fry: Pleasure.

Stephen Fry: [voiceover] Good old Berent’s cocoa. Always there. Original or New Berent’s, specially prepared for the mature citizens in your life, with nature’s added store of powerful barbiturates and heroin

.Stephen Fry: Estate Agents you can’t live with them, you can’t live with them. If you try and kill them, you’re put in prison: if you try and talk to them, you vomit. There’s only one thing worse than an estate agent but at least that can be safely lanced, drained and surgically dressed. Estate agents. Love them or loathe them, you’d be mad not to loathe them.

Stephen Fry: It’s ludicrously easy to knock Mrs. Thatcher, isn’t it? It’s the simplest, easiest and most obvious thing in the world to remark that she’s a shameful, putrid scab, an embarrassing, ludicrous monstrosity that makes one frankly ashamed to be British and that her ideas and standards are a stain on our national history. That’s easy! Anyone can see that! Nothing difficult about that! But after tonight, no one will ever accuse us again with failing to come up with something to take her place. Hugh?[Hugh Laurie pulls out a coat hanger]

frylaurie

Stephen: Twenty-five years ago the doctors told your mother and me that it would be impossible for us ever to have children.

Hugh: Oh, why not?

Stephen: I can’t remember the exact reason; it was something to do with penises I think.

Hugh Laurie: [with an electronic organizer] Ask me anything, a telephone number, what time it is in Adelaide. Tell you what, I can tell you exactly what I’ll be doing on the third of August 1997, say. Hang on… [presses a few buttons]. Nothing. See, it says. Nothing.

Hugh Laurie: Our Venice is being taken away from us. It’s crawling with Germans.

Leslie: And Italians.

Hugh Laurie: A good wife, or a good business partner?

Stephen Fry: Is there a difference, Peter?

Hugh Laurie: I hope so, John.

Stephen Fry:: Yes, I think that I’ve said earlier that our language, English –

L: As spoken by us.

F: As we speak it, yes, certainly, defines us. We are defined by our language, if you will

L: [to screen] Hello. We’re talking about language.

F: Perhaps I can illustrate my point. Let me at least try. Here is a question: um…

L: What is it?<

F: Oh! Um… my question is this: is our language – English – capable… is English capable of sustaining demagoguery?

L: Demagoguery?

F: Demagoguery.

L: And by “demagoguery” you mean…

F: By “demagoguery” I mean demagoguery…

L: I thought so.

F: I mean highly-charged oratory, persuasive whipping-up rhetoric. Listen to me, listen to me. If Hitler had been British, would we, under similar circumstances, have been moved, charged up, fired up by his inflammatory speeches, or would we simply have laughed? Is English too ironic to sustain Hitlerian styles? Would his language simply have rung false in our ears?

L: [to screen] We’re talking about things ringing false in our ears.

F: May I compartmentalize – I hate to, but may I, may I: is our language a function of our British cynicism, tolerance, resistance to false emotion, humour, and so on, or do those qualities come extrinsically – extrinsically – from the language itself? It’s a chicken and egg problem.

L: [to screen] We’re talking about chickens, we’re talking about eggs.

F: Um… let me start a leveret here: there’s language and there’s speech. Um, there’s chess and there’s a game of chess. Mark the difference for me. Mark it please.

L: [to screen] We’ve moved on to chess.

F: Imagine a piano keyboard, eh, 88 keys, only 88 and yet, and yet, hundreds of new melodies, new tunes, new harmonies are being composed upon hundreds of different keyboards every day in Dorset alone. Our language, tiger, our language: hundreds of thousands of available words, frillions of legitimate new ideas, so that I can say the following sentence and be utterly sure that nobody has ever said it before in the history of human communication: “Hold the newsreader’s nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers.” Perfectly ordinary words, but never before put in that precise order. A unique child delivered of a unique mother.

L: [to screen]

F: And yet, oh, and yet, we, all of us, spend all our days saying to each other the same things time after weary time: “I love you,” “Don’t go in there,” “Get out,” “You have no right to say that,” “Stop it,” “Why should I,” “That hurt,” “Help,” “Marjorie is dead.” Hmm? Surely, it’s a thought to take out for cream tea on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

L: So, to you, language is more than just a means of communication?

F: Oh, of course it is, of course it is, of course it is, of course it is. Language is my mother, my father, my husband, my brother, my sister, my whore, my mistress, my check-out girl… language is a complimentary moist lemon-scented cleansing square or handy freshen-up wipette. Language is the breath of God. Language is the dew on a fresh apple, it’s the soft rain of dust that falls into a shaft of morning light as you pluck from a old bookshelf a half-forgotten book of erotic memoirs. Language is the creak on a stair, it’s a spluttering match held to a frosted pane, it’s a half-remembered childhood birthday party, it’s the warm, wet, trusting touch of a leaking nappy, the hulk of a charred Panzer, the underside of a granite boulder, the first downy growth on the upper lip of a Mediterranean girl. It’s cobwebs long since overrun by an old Wellington boot

.L: [to screen] Night-night.

Hugh: Well we had our first child on the NHS and had to wait nine months, can you believe it.

Stephen Fry: How may we serve?

Hugh Laurie: Well, I was after a pair of shoes.

Stephen Fry: Very well. I shall serve them first.

You can see all Bit of Fry and Laurie on Prime  here.

A Bit of Fry and Laurie: The Complete Collection… Every Bit!

Hugh Laurie: You ever been trapped in a loveless marriage with a woman you despise?

Stephen Fry: Ooh, not since I was nine! Do you like it straight up?

Laurie: What?

Fry: [holding up his drink] Or with ice?

Laurie: Ice.

Fry: Right-ho. [adds ice] Cocktail onion?

Laurie: No thanks.

Hugh Laurie: She takes no interest in my friends, you know. She laughs at my…

Stephen Fry: Peanuts?

Hugh Laurie: Hobbies. She doesn’t even value my…

Stephen Fry: Crinkle-cut cheesy Wotsit?

Hugh Laurie: Career. You know, it’s just so depressing. Alright, so other men have got larger…

Stephen Fry: Plums?

Hugh Laurie: Salaries. And better prospects. And other men can boast a healthier-looking…

Stephen Fry: Stool?

Hugh Laurie: [sitting on stool] Lifestyle.

Hugh Laurie: The trouble with that woman is that she’s just a…

Stephen Fry: Rather disgusting-looking tart that should’ve been disposed of ages ago?

Hugh Laurie: I tell you what it is: she’s a complainer, that’s what she is.

Hugh Laurie: Alright, so, so I haven’t got loads of cash hanging around. You know, but why complain? Other people are worse off. I’ve got a job. I’ve got two sweet, rosy…

Stephen Fry: Nibbles?

Hugh Laurie: Children. She goes on and on about my appearance. I mean, it’s not as if she’s an oil painting, you know. I mean, frankly she’s…

Stephen Fry: [points] Plain and prawn-flavoured.

Hugh Laurie: She’s not as young as she used to be herself

Hugh Laurie: I’ve always been a Daily Mail reader. I prefer it to a newspaper.

Source: IMDB, Wikiquote

Image source: Bit of Fry and Laurie DVD

Jane Austen Quotes From Persuasion

Persuasion is Jane Austen’s last completed novel before her death. By the time Jane wrote this, she was older, mature and wiser, and you can see that reflected in her novel, persuasion as the heroine Anne Elliot is 27, old maid who had rejected her true love when she was barely 19, guided by godmother as Wentworth was orphan and poor. Now almost 8.5 years later situation is reversed, Anne’s father is in poor condition and Wentworth has made money and become super rich. Can they have second chance at love? My favorite book to read and movie to watch.

If there is any thing disagreeable going on, men are always sure to get out of it.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

“I believe you [men] capable of everything great and good in your married lives. I believe you equal to every important exertion, and to every domestic forbearance, so long as – if I may be allowed the expression, so long as you have an object. I mean, while the woman you love lives, and lives for you. All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one, you need not covet it) is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

Elizabeth had succeeded at sixteen to all that was possible of her mother’s rights and consequence; and being very handsome, and very like himself, her influence had always been great, and they had gone on together most happily. His other two children were of very inferior value. Mary had acquired a little artificial importance by becoming Mrs Charles Musgrove; but Anne, with an elegance of mind and sweetness of character, which must have placed her high with any people of real understanding, was nobody with either father or sister; her word had no weight, her convenience was always to give way — she was only Anne.

  • Ch. 1

“What wild imaginations one forms, where dear self is concerned! How sure to be mistaken.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

janeausten

“Yes; it is in two points offensive to me; I have two strong grounds of objection to it. First, as a means of bringing persons of obscure birth into undue distinction, and raising men to honours which their fathers and grandfathers never dreamt of; and secondly, as it cuts up a man’s youth and vigour most horribly; a sailor grows old sooner than any other man. I have observed it all my life. A man is in greater danger in the navy of being insulted by the rise of one whose father his father might have disdained to speak to, and of becoming prematurely an object of disgust himself, than in any other line.”

  • Ch. 3

“‘My idea of good company…is the company of clever, well-informed people, who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company.’ ‘You are mistaken,’ said he gently, ‘that is not good company, that is the best.'”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

She had been forced into prudence in her youth, she learned romance as she grew older: the natural sequence of an unnatural beginning.

  • Ch. 4

Read: Jane Austen’s Books

Jane Austen Movies

Persuasion Movie based on Jane Austen

Persuasion Book

“There is hardly any personal defect… which an agreeable manner might not gradually reconcile one to.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

She thought it was the misfortune of poetry to be seldom safely enjoyed by those who enjoyed it completely; and that the strong feelings which alone could estimate it truly were the very feelings which ought to taste it but sparingly.

  • Ch. 11

“One man’s ways may be as good as another’s, but we all like our own best.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one: you need not covet it), is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone!

  • Ch. 23
  • Said by Anne Elliott

“How quick come the reasons for approving what we like.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight and a half years ago. Dare not say that a man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant.”

  • Ch. 23

“A man does not recover from such a devotion of the heart to such a woman! – He ought not – he does not.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

If I was wrong in yielding to persuasion once, remember that it was to persuasion exerted on the side of safety, not of risk. When I yielded, I thought it was to duty; but no duty could be called in aid here. In marrying a man indifferent to me, all risk would have been incurred, and all duty violated.”

  • Ch. 23
  • Said by Anne Elliott

“She felt that she could so much more depend upon the sincerity of those who sometimes looked or said a careless or hasty thing, than of those whose presence of mind never varied, whose tongue never slipped.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

“Here and there, human nature may be great in times of trial, but generally speaking it is its weakness and not its strength that appears in a sick chamber; it is selfishness and impatience rather than generosity and fortitude, that one hears of.”
—–— Jane Austen, Persuasion

Anne was tenderness itself, and she had the full worth of it in Captain Wentworth’s affection. His profession was all that could ever make her friends wish that tenderness less, the dread of a future war all that could dim her sunshine. She gloried in being a sailor’s wife, but she must pay the tax of quick alarm for belonging to that profession which is, if possible, more distinguished in its domestic virtues than in its national importance.

  • Ch. 24

Image source: wikipedia

Funny Groucho Marx Quotes

I love Marx Brothers and their funny movies! Don’t you? No one can beat fast talking and wise cracking Groucho Marx sayings. I am not sure why he is known as Groucho, as he is nothing but. There many funny Marx Brothers books and movies that keep you laughing for hours and classic comedy series that is great for people who want to laugh: see here for Marx Brothers Comedy.

Enjoy some of the famous Groucho Marx Quotes for you here.

GROUCHO MARX

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I don’t have a photograph. I’d give you my footprints, but they’re upstairs in my socks.

A man is as young as the woman he feels.

got $25 from Reader’s Digest last week for something I never said. I get credit all the time for things I never said. You know that line in You Bet Your Life? The guy says he has seventeen kids and I say: “I smoke a cigar, but I take it out of my mouth occasionally”? I never said that.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

As soon as I get through with you, you’ll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn’t time to dig trenches.
We’ll have to buy them ready made.

marx see here for Marx Brothers Comedy.

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don’t anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you’re always trying for a topper you aren’t really listening. It ruins communication.

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

A likely story — and probably true.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter.
Someday I intend reading it.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

Here’s to our wives and girlfriends … may they never meet!

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”

How do you feel about women’s rights? I like either side of them.

“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.”

I sent the club a wire stating, ‘Please accept my resignation’.
I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.

I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.

I know, I know – you’re a woman who’s had a lot of tough breaks.
Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you’ll have to stay in the garage all night.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Funny Marx Brothers; Laugh Today & Feel Good Today:

[Mrs. Teasdale]: He’s had a change of heart.
[Groucho]: A lot of good that’ll do him. He’s still got the same face.

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I’ve been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.

Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.

Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Now there’s a man with an open mind – you can feel the breeze from here!

Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put ‘Emily, I love you’ on the back of the bill.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing .. if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says ‘yes,’ you know he is a crook.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren’t developed. . . But we’re going back next week.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Time wounds all heels.

Why, I’d horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Why should I care about posterity? What’s posterity ever done for me?

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

Image source: Marx Brothers

Famous, Fun and Funny Quotes and Sayings

Life without humor is, food without salt. Many of our daily life can be hectic, chaotic and downright serious. We could all use some refreshing, motivational funny sayings to bring little laughter in to our lives. Please check out some funny and famous quotes and sayings that will uplift your mood.

My psychiatrist told me I’m going crazy.
I told him, ‘If you don’t mind I’d like a second opinion.’
He said, ‘Alright…. you’re ugly too!’
Rodney Dangerfield

If you believe everything you read, better not read.
Japanese proverb

We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.
Colonel Gerald Wellman

I have a mind like a steel trap. Stuff gets in there and WHAM! it never gets back out again.
Bill Austin

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller

Opinions are like feet. Everybody’s got a couple, and they usually stink.
Jim Slattery

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order.
Brian Pickrell

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, “No hablo ingles.”-Unknown

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Redd Foxx

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film.-Unknown

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.-Unknown

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Frank Zappa

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
George Carlen

Noise proves nothing – often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid. -Mark Twain

“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.” – Douglas Adams

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.-Unknown

Telling the truth to people who misunderstand you is generally promoting a falsehood, isn’t it?
Anonymous

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. -Unknown

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

One of the lessons of history is that Nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
Will Durant

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.-Unknown

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher…and that is a good thing for any man.
Socrates

People used to explore the dimensions of reality by taking LSD to make the world look weird.
Now the world is weird and they take Prozac to make it look normal.
Bangstrom

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?-Unknown
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown
Isn’t it strange? The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously.
Cincinnati Enquirer
“Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” – Joey Adams
How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost? -Unknown
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do.
Dale Carnegie
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Carl Gustav Jung
Guys: No Shirt, No Service – Gals: No Shirt, No Charge-Unknown
If you don’t want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work.
Ogden Nash
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn’t take it out of my garden.
Eric Morecambe
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. – Mark Twain
Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
Gordon R. Dickson