Husband and Wives Sayings: Marriage Quotes

Love and marriage goes together like a horse and carriage! There are many things written about husbands and wives and marriages; some are inspirational and some are downright funny! Here are some marriage quotes from famous people and kids too.

No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married.  ~Benjamin Disraeli

He’s the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.  ~Mae West

Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows – marriage does.  ~Groucho Marx

In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar, a custom which is still continued.  –Helen Rowland, Reflections of a Bachelor Girl, 1909<

Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the beginning of the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get out, and such as are out wish to get in?  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, Representative Men, 1850

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.  ~Prince Philip

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?  ~Barbra Streisand

If you haven’t seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven’t seen her smile her prettiest.  ~Kin Hubbard

Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she’s a householder.  ~Thornton Wilder

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.  ~H.L. Mencken

Marriage, a market which has nothing free but the entrance.  ~Michel de Montaigne

You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ’cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.  ~Jim, age 10

It gives me a headache to think about that stuff.  I’m just a kid.  I don’t need that kind of trouble.  ~Kenny, age 7, when asked if it’s better to be single or married

W]hen you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.  ~Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally

It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.  ~Robert Frost

I’d marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage, and guarantee he’d be dead within the year.  ~Bette Davis

Improve Relationship and Marriage

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Men should keep their eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.  ~Madeleine de Scudery

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can’t help but smile on it.  ~Josh Billings

Someone once asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the common-sensical reply that we don’t have as much money.  That was a true but incomplete answer.  In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.  ~Gloria Steinem

Courtship to marriage is as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.  ~William Congreve, The Old Bachelor, 1693

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.  ~A.P. Herbert

Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.  ~Elbert Hubbard

I never even believed in divorce until after I got married.  ~Diane Ford

As a man, I’ve learned that there is nothing easier in married life than pleasing your wife with your cooking.  ~Robert Brault

If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.  ~Unknown

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.  ~Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally

It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.  ~Robert Frost

I never even believed in divorce until after I got married.  ~Diane Ford

Courtship to marriage is as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.  ~William Congreve, The Old Bachelor, 1693

If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.  ~Alan King

As a man, I’ve learned that there is nothing easier in married life than pleasing your wife with your cooking.  ~Robert Brault,

Someone once asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the common-sensical reply that we don’t have as much money.  That was a true but incomplete answer.  In fact, woman’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.  ~Gloria Steinem

They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.  ~Alexander Pope, The Wife of Bath, 1713

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.  ~Evelyn Hendrickson

When the one man loves the one woman and the one woman loves the one man, the very angels desert heaven and come and sit in that house and sing for joy.  ~The Brahma Sutras

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.  ~Author Unknown

If you are afraid of loneliness, don’t marry.  ~Anton Chekov

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music played when soldiers go into battle.  ~Heinrich Heine

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.  ~Cher

This is guest from Mala Breganza who writes for Attachment Parenting site, where you will find parenting tips, personal finance tips, health issues, traveling with kids, finding zen balance and parenting gears and gift ideas.

Humorous Saying: Funny Quotes to Chuckle With

Humor is important part of our life, if we did everything serious and efficient it would not be fun. People can be motivated and inspired by funny quotes. If nothing else, it will make you smile or chuckle a bit. It sure worth it.

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.  -George Bernard Shaw

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. -Bob Hope

All men are equal before fish. -Herbert Hoover

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. -Casey Stengel

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.  -Bill Cosby

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.  -Woody Allen

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. –Rodney Dangerfield

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.  -Steven Wright

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. – Joan Rivers

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.  –Fred Allen

I like marriage. The idea.  -Toni Morrison

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. -Rodney Dangerfield

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. -Walt Disney

Read More Funny Quotes:

Phillips’ Book of Great Thoughts & Funny Sayings: A Stupendous Collection of Quotes, Quips, Epigrams, Witticisms, and Humorous Comments. For Personal Enjoyment and Ready Reference.

Great Funny Quotes: Sweeten Your Life with Laughter

Quote Junkie Funny Edition: Hundreds Of Hilarious Quotes By Some Of The Most Serious Men And Women In The History Of The World

I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money. -Bob Hope
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
-Frank Sinatra

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.  -Rodney Dangerfield

I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun. –Arnold Schwarzenegger

I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time. -Charles M. Schulz

I have never been hurt by what I have not said. -Calvin Coolidge

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. -Elayne Boosler

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.  –Hedy Lamarr

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. –Groucho Marx

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. -Buddy Hackett

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. -Kevin Nealon

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday. –George Burns

I think serial monogamy says it all. –Tracey Ullman

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. –Ellen DeGeneres

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. -Mae West

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. –David Lee Roth

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. -Les Dawson

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. -Norman Wisdom

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. –Emo Philips

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone. –Rod Schmidt

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I’m upside down. –Mitch Hedberg

I wish I had the nerve not to tip. –Paul Lynde

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. –Bertrand Russell

I’d luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair. –Bette Davis

I’d never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room. –Mercedes McCambridge

People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant. -Ellen DeGeneres

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. –Don Marquis

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. –Ronald Reagan

I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend. –Emo Philips
A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. –Yogi Berra

I rant, therefore I am. -Dennis Miller

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I’m watching the highlights. –Jay London

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. –Groucho Marx

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church. -Paul Lynde

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” –Claude Pepper

Finding Happiness: Happiness Quotes

Finding happiness is something we are all looking for. Finding happiness does not have to hard for many of us. I am sure these quotes will inspire you as it has inspired me.

No pleasure is comparable to the standing upon the vantage-ground of truth.- Francis Bacon

Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness.- George Santayana

If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes- Andrew Carnegie

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared – Buddha

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.  -Jacques Prévert

If you want to be happy, be.  –Leo Tolstoy

Happiness is never stopping to think if you are.  -Palmer Sondreal

Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys.  If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.  -Fyodor Dostoevsky

What a wonderful life I’ve had!  I only wish I’d realized it sooner.  -Colette

If only we’d stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.  –Edith Wharton

Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.  –Cynthia Nelms

It’s pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness.  Poverty and wealth have both failed.  –Frank McKinney “Kin” Hubbard

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.  –James Openheim

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn’t know you left open.  –John Barrymore

The happy have whole days,
and those they choose.
The unhappy have but hours,
and those they lose.
-Colley Cibber

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I’m happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right? – Charles Schulz

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.  The way it actually works is the reverse.  You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.  –Margaret Young

Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.– Carl Jung

There is no duty we so underrate as the duty of being happy. By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world. – Robert Louis Stevenson

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. – Albert Schweitzer

The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.- Thomas Jefferson

When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace. – Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

You can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy. – Eric Hoffer

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.- James Oppenheim

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination. – Mark Twain

Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony- Mohandas K. Gandhi

Best Friends Quotes: Quotes For Friendship

What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?
George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans)

No man is useless while he has a friend.
Robert Louis Stevenson

Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.
Kahlil Gibran

One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
Euripides

Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you.
Elbert Hubbard

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.
Doug Larson

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
Walter Winchell

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends.
John Lennon and Paul McCartney

Love is rarer than genius itself. And friendship is rarer than love.
Charles Peguy

It’s the friends you can call up at 4:00 a.m. that really matter.
Marlene Dietrich

A true friend unbosoms freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably.
William Penn

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
Anais Nin

Friends do not live in harmony merely, as some say, but in melody.
Henry David Thoreau

Friends, companions, lovers, are those who treat us in terms of our unlimited worth to ourselves. They are closest to us who best understand what life means to us, who feel for us as we feel for ourselves, who are bound to us in triumph and disaster, who break the spell of our loneliness.
Henry Alonzo Myers

Friendship, on the other hand, serves a great host of different purposes all at the same time. In whatever direction you turn, it still remains yours. No barrier can shut it out. It can never be untimely; it can never be in the way. We need friendship all the time, just as much as we need the proverbial prime necessities of life, fire and water.
Cicero

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
Mark Twain

I keep my friends as misers do their treasure, because, of all the things granted us by wisdom, none is greater or better than friendship.
Pietro Aretino

The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right.
Mark Twain

There can be no Friendship where there is no Freedom. Friendship loves a free air, and will not be penned up in straight and narrow enclosures. It will speak freely, and act so too; and take nothing ill where no ill is meant; nay, where it is, ’twill easily forgive, and forget too, upon small acknowledgements.
Friends are true twins in soul; they sympathise in everything.
One is not happy without the other, nor can either of them be miserable alone. As if they could change bodies, they take in turns in pain as well as in pleasure; relieving one another in their most adverse conditions.
William Penn

There is nothing worth the wear of winning, but laughter and the love of friends.
Hillaire Belloc

True friends stab you in the front.
Oscar Wilde

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor.
For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe unto him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
The Bible, Ecclesiastes 4. 9

Whatever you are it is your own friends who make your world.
William James

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the ‘nay’ in your own mind, nor do you withhold the ‘ay.
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as
the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
Kahlil Gibran

I always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing.
Katherine Mansfield

A friend loveth at all times.
The Bible, Proverbs 17. 17

I love you not only for who you are, but for what you are when I am with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but what you are making of me.
I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good, and more than any fate could have done to make me happy.
You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign.
You have done it by being yourself. Perhaps that is what being a friend means, after all.
Roy Croft

I want someone to laugh with me, someone to be grave with me, someone to please me and help my discrimination with his or her own remark, and at times, no doubt, to admire my acuteness and penetration.
Robert Burns

It is that my friends have made the story of my life. In a thousand ways they have turned my limitations into beautiful privileges, and enabled me to walk serene and happy in the shadow cast by my deprivation.
Helen Keller

Life is to be fortified by many friendships. To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence.
Sydney Smith

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans)

One who looks for a friend without faults will have none.
Hasidic Saying

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.
Sicilian Proverb